Metta Practice; the what and the how?
Early in my meditation practice, I was introduced to the concept of Metta in a lesson on Sam Harris’s Waking Up guided meditation course.
As an atheist, I have a natural aversion to anything that smacks of religious practice, so I bristled a little when this Buddhist concept was raised by one of the famous four horsemen of modern anti-religious dogma (and my favourite of them, at that)…
Trusting the process, however, has become part of my personal mantra over the past couple of years and, alongside my daily effort to be more open minded, I decided to try what Sam was recommending. Without thinking too much about the underlying rationale and with no real knowledge of the basis of the practice itself, I dived in and it has been life changing for me.
I believe that you can immediately improve your life with this simple practice.
Best of all, Metta does not require you to have faith in anything esoteric or spiritual in a religious sense. You don’t have to believe anything… from direct experience, I believe that practicing Metta, even for just a couple of minutes a day, your life will improve and isn’t that what we’re all trying to do?
“Mettā (Pali) or maitrī (Sanskrit) means benevolence, loving-kindness, friendliness, amity, good will, and active interest in others.”
Metta is sometimes described as 'compassion meditation' and is often practiced in Asia by broadcast chanting as monks chant for the laity. At an individual level, however, it is simply holding another person or people in your mind and wishing them happiness and freedom from suffering.
I’ll describe it in more detail and tell you how to get started later in this post as well as providing a link to a guided Metta meditation, but, first, I wanted to tell you why I felt compelled to write about this.
At CWH our mission is to give you tools to help you incrementally and sustainably improve your life – aiming to make your experience better every day by implementing simple practices – 13 Antidotes to our modern plagues of apathy, low level despair and creeping nihilism.
Metta practice falls partly into each of the Antidotes we respectively call Thank, Connect and Be Present. This overlap between three Antidotes and the fact that it can be done in whatever time you have in more or less any circumstances makes it an ideal practice for people with crowded lives like mine.
As soon as I started a Metta practice, I felt tangible benefits. This may be because I’m very goal orientated and, unlike Vipassana meditation, Metta meditation has a goal – the achievement of a particular state of mind and to actually feel loving kindness for others and yourself and I can attest to the fact that it does exactly this.
I remember Sam Harris saying in his introductory lesson on Metta that it could actually rewrite the emotional software of your brain and, whilst I was highly skeptical, I desired that because the emotional software in my brain was corrupted. I’ll talk more about this in future vodcasts, but, just to give you a glimpse of what I’m talking about, I hadn’t cried in over 30 years…
“You can actually rewrite the emotional software of your brain…” - Sam Harris
What really got to me was that, not only did I want to be happy, but I really also wanted other people – people I knew and strangers – to be happy. I’m not sure why I want this, but perhaps, at that early stage, it was simply the knowledge that happy people were far less likely to annoy me!
This realisation shifted my perception in social encounters. Where previously I was judging and cynically evaluating people’s value to me, I now found myself recognising that they were doing their best (thanks to Brené Brown for that lesson in Rising Strong and the groundbreaking work of Carl Rogers and the humanistic school of psychology), and that I genuinely wish them happiness and freedom from suffering.
Can you imagine what a sea change that is for someone like me and how much nicer that makes my life and, I hope, the lives of those I encounter? It opens up the possibility of win/win even with people I would previously have regarded as my competitors. Isn’t that desirable? It has certainly impacted my ethical approach to situations because how can I act in a way that diminishes happiness when I have wished for happiness?
Buddhism elevates loving-kindness as the one human attribute to be cultivated above all others – it is a mental state or attitude cultivated and maintained by practice.
It is the first of the four Buddhist virtues, or "immeasurable." It can be translated as "benevolence," "loving," "friendship" or "kindness" and is also one of the 10 perfections of Buddhism. Whilst linked to the religion, the practice is independent of it – as I said earlier, one of the great benefits is that it does not require faith in anything – it simply works.
Because of Metta, you can experience joy! It works because Metta requires us simply to care and wish well for another being without judging them. We don’t have to agree or disagree with them or want anything from them in return.
Consequently, it is a universal love that can overcome all social, religious, ethnic, political and economic barriers. Because of Metta, you can experience joy, a true happiness in another's happiness, which is, incidentally, another of the four Buddhist immeasurables.
If you wish to understand Metta meditation, or the cultivation of Metta, there is an abundance of resources available to you and I have provided some links below, but you don’t need this knowledge to implement the practice or benefit from it. Whilst there are many variations of teaching, the technique that works best for me is to cultivate your benevolence towards people as follows:
Think of a person you love without reservation and hold that person in your mind whilst you actively wish them happiness and freedom from suffering. Say it out loud: “May you be happy. May you be free from suffering.”
I often add variations such as “May you be free from worry. May you be content. May you feel joy. May you be free of guilt.” Or whatever conveys, aloud, your goodwill and benevolence towards that person that you love. I usually do this first part for about two minutes, but there is no prescription here – take as little or as much time as feels right to you.
Next, think of someone you feel neutrally about. Perhaps someone you know or see regularly like the postman, but don’t have much to do with – an acquaintance. Hold that person in your thoughts and repeat the phrases, genuinely wishing them goodwill. Say it out loud – I find this verbalisation helps because it stops my mind from wandering and helps me maintain focus on the subject of my meditation.
After the right amount of time, think of someone you dislike and hold them in your mind as you say metta for them. You may find this quite liberating, I can tell you I have!
Now think of a group of people – perhaps a class you’re in, or a work group or team and repeat your metta for them.
Expand your thoughts from there to all people. Wish them happiness. Wish them freedom from suffering. I think you’ll find it feel amazing to chant that loving kindness.
Finally, hold yourself in mind and wish yourself happiness. “May I be happy.” “May I be free of suffering.” Take this part seriously. Be kind to yourself.
Many teachers suggest that you start with yourself as the subject of your meditation and this is a perfectly good idea, but not one I found best for me – you can work out what works best for you.
An interesting variation that I occasionally incorporate comes from the Tibetan school (Tonglen meditation) where a breathing technique is used where you inhale love and benevolence and exhales distress and suffering.
You can develop your own order and practice and you can, of course, change the person or people you’re focused on at each practice. You can practice once a day or many times a day. You can practice at the same time every day or at different times. You can practice for an hour or 30 seconds… You get the picture.
The only certainty is that incorporating the practice regularly into your life will improve your life in all the ways I’ve described and others.
Don’t worry about it feeling contrived – you’ll get past this quickly – just try it and feel the difference. It may well change your life.
You can try my guided Metta Meditation here.
Useful Links:
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/buddharakkhita/wheel365.html
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mett%C4%81
